Beautiful Disaster
by MidnightGirl467
Summary: Elena goes back to the Salvatore Boarding House to tell Damon how she really feels after they kiss on the porch. One shot.SongFic.


**Hey, well here's a little one shot for you. I debated on uploading this because it is not my best writing but I the song lyrics were just too good to waste. The song is Kelly Clarkson- Beautiful Disaster (Live) and the lyrics -I think- describe Damon perfectly. I know this isn't the best one shot, honestly, I'm not having the best days of my life right now and I can't think straight. But anyway enough about me, this takes place after the delena kiss in 3x10 and Elena has gone back to the Boarding House to confront Damon.**

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><p>His blue eyes were cold and tired as he stared down at the bottle of the bourbon in his hands. His hands were clenched tightly around like it was the only thing in the entire world that he had left, the only thing he had left to live for. The flames of the fire flickered on his face making his pale skin have a glow that I hadn't seen on a person before and it was truly memorising the sheer beauty of it.<p>

I didn't know if he knew if I was here or not and I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say to him to make him realise that he was drowning his sorrows for no reason, that I did love him back. Maybe those words could save him from the deepressive state he was currently in but I just couldn't bring myself to say it, out of pure pride and stubbornness. I wouldn't be Katherine. I wouldn't play them both against each other.

Damon wasn't the hero that Stefan could be but he was hero to me, he was just the damned hero. Damon had his faults there was no doubt about it but he had been honest and had always had good intentions, so that I could never stay mad at him for long. Damon had never left me to defend for myself, he was always there even when I pushed him away. Damon would hate me for thinking this but his heart held more love and compassion that I had ever seen in anyone in my life. He was remarkable. He was my damned hero that would go to heaven when he died, he deserved too.

_He drowns in his dreams_

_An exquisite extreme I know_

_He's as damned as he seems_

_And more heaven than a heart could hold_

Damon picked up his bottle of bourbon and looked it quickly before he put the tip of it to his swollen lips and drunk. He didn't stop drinking until the bottle was half empty and then he placed it back on the wooden cabinet but his hand still never left it. The idea that he thought that was the only thing he had left was haunting me. Damon closed his blue eyes and I could almost seeing him re-living everything about tonight, about how he had kissed me and I had just let him walk away without really telling him how I truly felt.

I loved him but sometimes I wondered if it was even enough any more, was love ever enough? The words alone could put him out of the misery that he was feeling, three words could bring him back to me. But what would that mean for me? All of my friends and the family that I had left would go crazy at my choice. No matter what Stefan had done his past, Damon would always be the brother with the impulsive issues that had tried and killed most people I had cared about. It wouldn't be right for me to be with him but I wanted it to be more than anything in the world.

_And if I try to save him_

_My whole world could cave in_

_It just ain't right_

_Lord, it just ain't right_

I never know what Damon's plans were or what he would want in life but it just made him that more exciting to me. We would argue most of the time and he made me cry but no matter what he did, the connection between us wouldn't go away. I felt it all the time ever since we first met, it was like gravity pulling you to earth and you didn't have a choice about it and you didn't want to deny the pull. Damon also brought the side to me that I thought had died in the car accident with my parents, he made me laugh and smile in a way I hadn't done in so long. Maybe I could live with all of that if he was mine but I didn't want to take the risk. I couldn't lose my family because I was with him, it wouldn't be right.

Damon sighed heavily and he dropped the glass bottle of bourbon to the floor, the glass flew everywhere as it the floor. He turned to face me, his shirt half open revealing the muscular chest of his that was sometimes hid behind black t-shirts. His blue eyes lit up when he saw me standing there in the doorway and my heart jumped slightly, such a simple action yet it could make me feel like I was the most important thing on earth. Damon's lips twisted into a smile that was clearly fake because his guilt and pain was still written all over his face but he looked beautiful. Damon Salvatore was beautiful whether it be a masculine word or not.

_Oh and I don't know_

_I don't know what he's after_

_But he's so beautiful_

_Such a beautiful disaster_

_And if I could hold on_

_Through the tears and the laughter_

_Would it be beautiful?_

_Or just a beautiful disaster_

When I was younger I used to think I would love with someone on the football team who was smart, handsome and more or less perfect in every way. I never in my wildest dreams thought I could possible love a Vampire, I didn't even know they existed. Damon was a Vampire he was meant to exist so how could he be meant for me? He was a creature of the night and some would say incapable of emotion, never mind love. Damon was an exception to that, he felt everything no matter how much he tried not too. Damon had the emotions of a human and he could be a true villain. Just a beautiful disaster.

Damon stared at me and his eyes drifted up and down my body but he wouldn't move. He was too scared and he probably thought I would push him away but honestly after tonight I just wanted him in my arms and tell him the three words that could cure his soul that had been damaged by Katherine, the woman who had played him for a sickening game. My mind was screaming at me, I couldn't say the words. I wouldn't become her and I wouldn't lose the people that I loved.

_He's magic and myth_

_As strong as what I believe_

_A tragedy with_

_More damage than a soul should see_

Bonnie, Caroline, Matt, Jeremy and everyone tolerated Damon and put up with him but if they had the choice to cut him out of their lives, they would. They didn't understand him and I didn't know how to make them see him for who he truly was. I tried to change him and make him the better man and it worked he did change but he refused to be like Stefan used to be. I didn't know whether me trying to change him was wrong or right and I didn't know whether I could do it to him again.

But I could see why everyone hated him so much. He had hurt Caroline beyond repair when he first arrived at Mystic Falls and he was to blame for that. He nearly killed Bonnie and he did kill my brother and it was so easy to blame him. Damon deserved the blame for every bad thing that he had done. Damon had only done all these things just to try and prove that he had no humanity left inside him, that there was just a vacant space where his heart should be but I knew better. I knew him better than that.

Slowly, I dragged my feet towards him. I still didn't know what to say or do I was too busy thinking about whether I should tell him and lose everyone around me or whether I should keep my feelings to myself and watch him slowly lose himself more and more, day by day. Neither option seemed ideal and I wished there was a go between the two but there wasn't. It was either one or the other.

_But do I try to change him?_

_So hard not to blame him_

_Hold me tight_

_Baby, hold me tight_

I stood in front of him and I could feel his body tense up but his eyes were on me, just watching and waiting for any sign of fury in my eyes about him kissing me. I knew that there wasn't any sign of hate in my eyes because looking at the man in front of me, the only thing I was feeling was love, pure love and nothing else. I gently touched his cheek with my finger and I marvelled at his beauty. Damon's eyes peered down at my finger at his cheek and his eyes closed at the touch. How could Stefan ever believe that Damon was a monster?

"Elena, what are you doing here?" He whispered and his hand caught my wrist pulling my hand away from his face.

Truthfully, I didn't know why I was here but as soon as he kissed me back on my porch and whispered 'Goodnight', I had known that I couldn't leave it with just that one kiss. The sweat increased in the palms of my hands that I placed them in my jean's pockets covering them from view, I couldn't bare for him to see me so nervous. His eyes searched mine carefully like he was trying to read my mind and search for the answer that he so desperately craved more than anything in the world.

"Elena?" Damon asked me again as he leaned towards me, the smell of alcohol hung on his breath and it was totally intoxicating.

I licked my lips out of nerves, I didn't know what to do. I could tell him them three little words that would mean so much to both of us but I couldn't risk everyone hating me for my choices. Caroline would go crazy, Bonnie would tell me I was stupid, Jeremy would hate me and I just couldn't live with that. I needed them in my life, they were the reasons that reminded me that my life hadn't always been this torturous hell, that not long ago my life had been fun and your typical teenage life. If they loved me though, if they loved seeing me happy then maybe they could get used to Damon and me? Maybe after time they would understand. I realised that they would have to understand because I couldn't lie to myself anymore, I couldn't pretend that I didn't love the impulsive Vampire that stood in front of me. I loved Damon Salvatore.

Would it be that simple to just tell him and we would live happily ever after? Or would it just cause more heartache for me? The confusion and doubt washed over me consuming me with it's horrific waters. Would Damon even believe my words or would he think that he was just a second choice? When really he was so much more to me than that, he had always been more to me than a second choice. I had buried my feelings for him for so long that the words got stuck in my throat when I tried to say them.

"Elena, please what is it?" Damon asked, his words begged me and just from the pure look in his eyes, I knew I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I had to tell him. My body had waited for so long for this, waited to see what his touch would be like when we were finally together as one. Damon had also been waiting so long for this and now it was time to finally give in to every desired that burned and ached inside me.

_I'm longing for love and the logical_

_But he's only happy, hysterical_

_I'm searching for some kind of miracle_

_Waited so long.._

_Waited So long._

"Damon, you kissed me tonight and you told me that you didn't want to feel guilty anymore. You don't have to feel guilty about anything, Damon. Stefan was the one to let me go and refuses to be himself again. Don't feel guilty, Damon because Stefan doesn't matter anymore. You matter." My words came out rush and fast but when I said the last sentence I spoke it slowly, hoping he would understand just how much he means to me now. How much he's always meant to me.

Damon his eyes searched mine again, looking for any sign of trickery or lie but when he realised that every word I had was the truth he took a step towards me, a smile slowly creeping onto his face. Damon gently placed his hands on my waist, his eyes never leaving mine. I smiled up at him and placed my forehead against his, his breathing or whatever it was ragged and uneasy at our closeness. I couldn't help but think about how perfect this scene was between us, it just made me certain that this was my choice in life. Damon Salvatore was my future, my destiny.

"Damon, I love you. I've always loved you."

As soon as the words escaped my lips, the most beautiful genuine smile lit up his face expressing how happy he was at my words that had been locked up for so long. Damon wrapped his arms around my waist and he pulled me closer to him. I gently placed my hand to his cheek, caressing it slowly like he had done so many times to me and smiled back at him.

Damon's mouth parted slightly and my heart rate increased. I blushed knowing that he could hear it and he smirked at the effect he had on me though it made me want to slap him, I couldn't. I couldn't ruin this moment that had been building for so long for between us, it had been building up ever since we met in this very room. I run my fingers through his hair and my breathing got heavy at his closeness.

"Kiss me, again." I whispered but it sounded like a whimper.

Without needing further instruction, Damon brought his lips to mine and lips slowly brushed them against mine. We kissed like that for a moment, the kiss soft and sweet before the sudden urgency and desire swept over us. The kiss became more forceful and Damon groaned into my mouth and I had never heard such a beautiful sound in all my life.

Damon Salvatore was beautiful and now after all this time, he was my beautiful disaster.

_He's beautiful, _

_Lord he's so beautiful. _

_He's beautiful. _

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><p><strong>I know the ending was a little pathetic but hey like I said not having the best time right now. I hoped you liked it though, my Twitter is FlyingFireworks feel free to follow me. Thanks for reading and please review. :) Love MidnightGirl467 xXx<strong>


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